Saturday, April 16, 2005
Well, I did it again. I resigned up at Classmates.com. Why? I have no idea. Perhaps I like to torture myself, or perhaps I had hoped the site was a little more "open" then when I had first signed up for it. In fact, I think I was one of the first people, from my high school, who originally signed up there.
Of course, when I was going through my "really" bad period, a couple of years ago, I terminated my "free" status with the site. It was interesting to see that there hasn't been any new additions to my graduating year (1991) since I left the site.
I think the main reason I resigned up was the nightmares I've been having lately. Dreams that deal with bad times during my life in Forestburg - twisted by the dark madness that now infects my mind and soul. Call it my own personal version of The Dreaming Dark.
Last night's nightmare was especially bad. I dealt with a certain girl I had convinced myself that I was in love with, while living there. And in my own strange, mixed up mind, maybe I was. A "shrink" would tell me that maybe I need some closure, but every time I go there, something bad happens. Either something I bring on myself or something totally unrelated to me.
I never feel better after being to Forestburg. Thus, I don't go there anymore. I don't bury my feeling but neither do I dwell on them. It use to be I had trouble getting that place out of my head, even after moving to Edmonton. And God help me whenever I ran into someone from that place, I either didn't acknowledge them or simply tried to hold back the darkness and tried to be nice.
Well, no more. If I run into any of them and they ask why, I'll tell them why, and be damned if I feel any remorse. It's not even worth going there to see her. Besides, there isn't any guarantee that she'd even be there or want to see me. Thus, I won't go back... ever!
Except in my nightmares.