Monday, January 28, 2008

Fighting to find the Words

Okay, so I've been attending classes at GMCC for nearly four weeks now, and I must admit that I'm struggling, internally, a little bit. The classes aren't very hard, IMO, but the experience is difficult. I haven't been doing much over the last five years. Mental and physical disability will do that to a person. Now, for the first time in a LONG time I am having to find my way through a real world experience.

I knew it was going to be hard, but I didn't think it was going to be frustrating from a interpersonal way. Learning about grammar and rhetoric isn't nearly as hard as trying to find my voice again. For years, it has been silenced due to depression and isolation. Now, I'm dealing with people in a real way and it's freaking me out!

The voices I'm interacting with are so strong and opinionated that I fear that my voice will want to crawl away in fear. Today was a good example. Certain subjects came up that I hadn't considered for a long time, and I struggled with why I should care. The point being made by the instructor was a vital one for any writer, but since I've been stuck in my own little world for so long I almost failed to see the relevance to my life.

I was still thinking like a half-mad, isolated introvert without access to other people or their opinions. Yes, I've been keeping in touch with friends & family through the bad years, but I wasn't meeting anyone new. When you're not use to interacting with others on a regular basis you tend to lose your social skills (and your need for advanced language).

Hmm, some of this might be important for my first "Grammar for Writers" essay. Possibilities.