I Hate It When..

I hurt myself just by going through the day.

I went to the Family Foods first thing today, and, while there, I misjudged how heavy the basket was getting. I overloaded it, I guess.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I pulled something in my upper back. At first, I thought I'd really hurt myself (severely!) as I nearly dropped the basket. However, I was able to get home without too much difficulty.

It's still hurting pretty bad, but I'm hopeful that it will be a little better tomorrow. Hopefully the new pain medication my doctor gave me recently will help. (My chronic pain has been tearing me down, lately.)

In other news...
I'm only taking one night class this semester — Mac Skills for Writers. The class isn't very hard but I have been learning some interesting things about Adobe Illustrator and Adobe Photoshop. The class will also include learning about InDesign and a few other programs.

Distilled Prose: Postcard Narrative Assignment

Okay, here's another assigment that I did for my Distilled Prose class. It has three parts to it: 1) a 500 word narrative, 2) a 250 word revision, and 3) a 250 word rationale. I received a mark of 90% on this assignment. (Woo hoo!)

Dungeons and Dragons fans might recognize the name of the priest. Ruphus Laro is a background character from the Shackled City Adventure Path that was published in a series of DRAGON Magazines for 3rd Edition. The character's personality and flaws didn't fit my world so I changed them to suit the game, which, of course, is normal a part of gaming.

I guess you could call this "fan fiction," but gamers prefer to refer to such writings as "story hours." A story hour is fictional writing based on actual game play. However, this scene wasn't played out. It's fiction based on what happened in the game. Ruphus went on a journey "in-game" but it was never detailed. I knew what happened but I hadn't written it down in stone before now.

Still, it's more like fan fiction since I did not create this character. (Not that Ruphus is a primary D&D character beyond the pages of DUNGEON Magazine but it's still important to say.) Anyway, I'll stop rambling now. . .

A Priest Contemplates His Journey
500 Word Version
The doors opened and a young soldier entered the room from the vestibule.

“Master Ruphus, they are ready to leave.”

The young priest of the Protector did not move a muscle as he knelt before the statue of his goddess.

“I will be there shortly,” Ruphus replied.

The young soldier left the priest to finish his prayers closing the door quietly behind him.

Ruphus of Cauldron went over the events of the past few months in his mind. The journey from his homeland had been arduous and long. He had been relieved to see the looming gates of the city of Tallawan appear over the horizon. The relief soon turned into sorrow as he passed through the gates of the city and saw the conditions in the city.

The citizens of the city were a beaten down people living in abject fear of a race of creatures that were more like beasts then men. The people shirked from the streets as he and his escorts walked through the city towards the temple dedicated to the Protector. The city was on the verge of collapse. Hundreds of buildings laid in ruins from a dozen assaults by the beast men.

It had taken Ruphus over three weeks to gain any sort of trust from the city's populace. Hours of ministering to the sick and wounded had helped but his skirmish with the beast men outside the city had been the real turning point. He had been asked to help treat an outbreak in one of the nearby villages.

The beast men had come out of nowhere.

The battle had been quick and brutal. The beasts wore savage headdresses and wielded wicked weapons with jagged edges. They showed no mercy attacking both soldiers and villagers alike. Ruphus had balked when he first saw their true forms. The beasts were catlike creatures with long, sharp claws and teeth.

Ruphus had looked into their faces and couldn't help but see the face of the Protector but twisted into a horrid form. One of the beasts had jumped him and only the instinct to protect his life had saved him. He had skewed the beast with his sword but not before it had clawed away half his face including his left eye.

Ruphus let out a breath of sorrow as he opened his good eye and looked up into the catlike visage of Bast the Protector. The attack on the village had occurred over two weeks ago. He still wore the scars of the cat-man's claws across his face. He had underestimated the creature's ferocity. It was a mistake he would not make again.

“Now I understand why you chose me to make this journey, goddess. I have always doubted my own ferocity. I have always felt out of place at home. Here, I have found my purpose. I'm Ruphus Laro, battle priest of Bast.”

Ruphus stood donning his helmet. He walked from the temple to join the soldiers going to war.

250 Word Version
“Master Ruphus, they are ready to leave.”

“I will be there shortly,” Ruphus replied kneeling before the statue of the Protector.

The soldier left him to finish his prayers.

Ruphus mentally went over the events of the past few months. The journey from his homeland had been arduous. He'd been relieved to see the gates of Tallawan. His relief had turned to sorrow as he'd passed through the city's gates.

Its citizens were living in fear of nearby beast-men. They'd shirked from Ruphus as he'd walked through the city. Hundreds of buildings laid in ruins. While hours of attending to the downtrodden had eventually helped Ruphus gain their trust, it was his skirmish against the beast-men that had mattered most to them.

He'd been asked to help treat a sickness in a nearby village. The beast-men had appeared out of nowhere. They'd worn savage headdresses and wielded wicked weapons. They'd shown no mercy.

He'd balked when he'd seen their catlike forms. He'd seen the Protector in their forms. Then a beast-man had jumped Ruphus. Only his instincts had saved him. He'd killed it but not before it clawed his face.

Ruphus opened his good eye and looked at the catlike visage of the Protector. The attack had occurred several weeks ago. His face still wore the scars. He'd underestimated it. He would not make that mistake again.

Ruphus stood donning his helmet. He walked from the temple to go to war.

Rationale
For this assignment, I decided to write something fictional based on a fantasy world that I designed for the Dungeons and Dragons game. Ruphus is a background character from a series of adventures that I ran. Therefore, I felt comfortable using him as the basis for a short narrative.

I began by visualizing how he would view the city of Tallawan as he first came upon it. I knew I wanted the city to be beleaguered, so it was easy for me to understand how the character would react. The encounter he had with the cat-men greatly changed him.

Ruphus' goddess is the Egyptian deity known as Bast. This mythic figure is usually depicted in the form a cat-headed woman. Therefore, it was important to connect the savage imagery of the cat-men to the priest's divine patron. This savagery is also reflected in Ruphus' physical and emotional scars.

While the initial writing was easy for me, it was a lot harder to cut the narrative down to 250 words. Compressing down narrative writing irks me as it always feels like I'm cutting away part of a character's personality. Removing his dialogue at the end of the narrative was very difficult for me.

The character's point of view is the key component of how I wrote this narrative. He is looking back on his journey remembering the important details. It is important to note that this journey is a much spiritual as it is physical.

Turning the Assignment Corner

Okay, I worked on my 10-page research paper today. I wrote nearly nonstop for 4 to five hours. I finished everything but the conclusion. After hours of writing and citing i needed to stop before my brain gave out.

I took a break, ate some food, and stretched my aching back, hip, and neck. Then I put on my headphone, hit the CBC and Global websites. I had to watch two Global TV webcasts and to listen to a CBC Radio One podcast for my Newscast Critique assignment.

That one is done.

Now, I just need to get my 10 questions done for Thursday, finish my research paper, and start working on another Distilled Prose assignment that is due next week. (That's right, I haven't started it yet.)

My Aching Brain

Okay, I'm sick to death of my latest assignment for Research Skills for Writers. It is a research paper that has to be a minimum of 7 pages and a maximum of 10 pages and it is due next Thursday.

I decided to write the paper one the ever expanding power of multinational corporations. I swear, if I ever hear that term again after it's done and handed in, I'm going to howl at the moon.

My head hurts so bad from acronyms such as MNC, NGO, and PMC as well as terms such as global economy, nationalization, and privatization.

Ugh!

I have to admit I've learned a lot but that hasn't kept my brain matter from aching. It feels like it's going to start seeping out of my ears at any moment. And guess what the worst part is; go ahead, you'll never guess...

I haven't finished reading all my research material yet, and I keep uncovering more stuff that I either end up reading or quickly turn away from because my brain can't take in any more information! Case in point, I still have to read a article about human rights and the World Trade Organization (WTO). Joy. Not.

And I still haven't even looked at my Distilled Prose assignment for Monday. I have a feeling it will either get done at the last moment or have to wait until next week. Luckily, it's one of the assignments that can have an extra week grace period. Still, I have to get that done, start two other Distilled Prose projects, and come up with 10 questions for a Survey Design project, which has to be done for this coming Thursday too.

Oy!

Anyway, I have to go check on my laundry now and run some dishes through the rinse cycle. Then I need to do some more reading before going to bed. I'm going to to see Quantum of Solace tommorow with some friends at 1pm. After that, it's back to the hell that is multinational corporations (if my computer doesn't die). Knock on wood.

Research Skills for Writers: Critical Analysis Assignment

Here's another assignment I got back last week. This one was for my Research Skills for Writers class. I received a mark of 89% on this one. My best mark so far this semester.

Critical Analysis Assignment:

“Reassessing Risk Assessment” by Douglas Mulhall

If we were to flashback to the summer of 1991, we'd see a very different version of the world compared to the world we live in today. Back then I was a mere neophyte when it came to technology, and even after two years in the Microcomputer Management course at MacEwan, I was still little more than a novice with computing science. However, it was at this time that I first heard the word nanotechnology. In the early Nineties, I considered the idea of nanotechnology to be little more than scientific pipe-dream. I did not realize at the time that the world was changing in a dramatic fashion and at a incredible rate. How can we hope to understand how this new technology will reshape our world? Douglas Mulhall's research study entitled “Reassessing Risk Assessment” from the January-February 2004 issue of The Futurist might be a good place to start. Mulhall, an expert in the field of risk management, takes his audience through an in-depth look at how innovative, nanomaterial-based technologies are changing the world and how those changes might impact the environment we live in.

This analysis will look at the five main points of Mulhall's study, which includes the following: (1) nanomaterial technologies; (2) enhanced human intelligence; (3) punctuated equilibrium; (4) nanotechnology vs. nature's complexity; (5) reassessing risk assessment. In an attempt to better understand some of these concepts, I have done my own research based on these main points. I have studied the listed web site's that Mulhall provides as his sources, looked for additional materials online, and looked through several of the online databases available through the MacEwan Library. Finally, I will take a look at who Douglas Mulhall is and who his intended audience is based on The Futurist as a periodical.

Mulhall starts his article by looking at several nanomaterials prototypes such as Smart Dust and photovoltaic paint made from nanomaterials. He gives a good overview of Smart Dust and doesn't gloss over the technology's potential benefits such as environmental monitoring. He is less detailed regarding to the solar cell nanomaterial, however. I would have liked to have known more about it and its possible benefits. Instead, Mulhall takes these two examples and crossbreeds them into one intelligent nanomaterial with the ability to “multiply a trillionfold and become an integral part of the ecology.” (Mulhall, 2004, par. 9a).

This statement is misleading at best and pure fiction at worst as Holmes points out in his article entitled “Our Microtech Future” in the September-October 2004 issue of The Futurist:

“Microscopic technology has received much attention in the past few years, especially as nanotechnology has entered public consciousness. But vision at the nanotech level is generally limited to electron microscopes operating in a high vacuum, and, for the most part, nanotechnology is experimental and speculative. There are few actual working devices.” (Holmes, 2004, par. 1).

Yes, there has been progress towards useful nanomaterials since then, which can be seen through the research being conducted by Crossbow Technology (www.xbow.com) and through the commercial applications being developed by Dust Networks (www.dustnetworks.com) but nothing as radical as Mr. Mulhall projects.

The next section of Mulhall's article deals with an idea he refers to as enhanced intelligence. He details how data processing is rapidly increasing and that genetic programming is outstripping humanity's ability to compute information. He gives examples that range from “a thermostat and actuator that were superior to those designed by a human” (Mulhall, par. 13a) to a theoretical microchip that could allow the blind to see light. His reasoning appears sound. However, I cannot say for certain that I agree with him.

The third section of Mulhall's article links merging nanotechnologies with a concept known as punctuated equilibrium, which was “first proposed in 1972 by Niles Eldredge and Harvard evolutionary biologist Stephan Jay Gould.” (par. 18a). He also discusses climate change, comet impacts, and volcanic eruptions, which he refers to as mega-threats. He also discusses “nanoscale organisms that are hundreds of times smaller than most bacteria.” (par. 22a). This section is quite liberal in its use of conjecture. Mulhall seems to be using the theory of punctuated equilibrium to sell his own ideas without considering the model's history. Punctuated equilibrium was never intended to be a model for microscale evolution as Gould (2004) explains in his article “Punctuated Equilibrium's Threefold History.”

“. . . we developed these implications over the years, and the theory grew accordingly. But we never proposed a radical theory for punctuations (ordinary speciation scaled into geological time), and we never linked punctuations to microevolutionary saltationism.” (par. 6).

I can see the connection between mega-threats and punctuated equilibrium but Mulhall takes it a step to far by trying to link punctuated equilibrium to nanotechnology and nanoscale organisms. I dislike how he “sells” his book Has Heart Disease Been Cured? as a worthy source of information without saying that he is the person who wrote it.

The next section of Mulhall's article delves into the idea that humanity's technologies might soon “match nature's complexity.” (Mulhall, par. 26a). He points out that “most of our technologies are unable to match the complexity of natural environments” (par. 27a) but that nanotechnology could change all that. He refers back to photovoltaic paint and theorizes about the possibility of molecular-based drugs that would be “so precise that they backfire only occasionally.” (par. 28a).

The section is short and to-the-point and equally realistic and speculative.

The last section of Mulhall's article appears to be a summary of the article, yet at the same time, it introduces more information not previously mentioned. Mulhall puts forth the opinion that both nanotechnology and mega-threats must become a part of future risk assessment for such assessments to be worthwhile. He lists various types of experts who should be a part of such an undertaking and goes into detail about some of the work being done by researchers regarding nanobes. He ends the article abruptly with a quote from a professor from the University of Texas named Robert Folk that doesn't seem to match Mulhall purpose.

The information he gives on nanobes seems out of place in this section. It would have been better if it had been given its own section or an earlier section of the article.

Douglas Mulhall is clearly a man with experience in the field of risk assessment. “He was Managing Director of the Hamburg Environmental Institute, a scientific assessment organization. He co-founded the first Brazilian institute, 'O Instituto Ambiental', to be devoted exclusively to water recycling” (Mulhall, 2006, par. 4b). He is obviously well informed regarding environmental issues and new technologies. “Reassessing Risk Assessment” is clearly speculative and is intended for an audience that looks to future instead of the past. It is an article for futurists by a futurist. The Futurist is the perfect medium for such an article as the magazine “takes no stand on what the future will or should be like. The magazine strives to serve as a neutral clearinghouse of ideas . . . . Each issue contains feature articles written by outstanding experts in a wide range of fields: business, creativity, education, economics, environment and resources, values, and more.” (The Futurist Magazine, 2008, “About The Futurist” par. 2-3).

In conclusion, Mulhall is clearly trying to inform his audience of the risks he perceives regarding nanotechnology and mega-threats. He wishes to sway knowledgeable experts with an interest in such ideas to come together and help redefine risk assessment for the new century. He is looking towards a future that could be dominated by nanomaterial that merges with the natural world — forever changing it. He would have his audience envisioning a future where solar cell paint covers everything and intelligent nanomaterial machines run our lives and might possibly destroy our world. His views are almost fanatical but with a quiet dose of scholarly diffusion.

RatingI consider myself a bit of a futurist so it should be no surprise that I liked this article the first time I read it. However, as I began to assess Mulhall's ideas and facts I began to question the man's logic. His biases are obvious, and he fails to delve deep into the facts he is writing about. He definitely knows how to write, and I found few errors in the article from a mechanics point-of-view. Mulhall's writing could use some polish, however. He repeats ideas and writes in a manner that makes me think he swallowed both a dictionary and a thesaurus. He uses buzzwords such as “hyperchange” and “mega-threats” and uses over-the-top adjectives and adverbs. His article is filled with “exponential growth rates,” “extraordinary developments,” and “physical manifestations.” He certainly uses style to pull the reader along and it's fun to read even if the reader doesn't understand everything. It's fluffy and fun while also being a bit scary. I have the sense that he is trying to teach and terrify at the same time.

If I had only read this article once then I would have rated it highly. However, Mulhall makes so many assumptions while twisting the facts regarding the risks of nanomaterials that I found myself questioning his integrity. He is trying to sell his ideas as future facts instead of as speculative discourse. He even tries to sell his book to me, which I found a bit insulting. Still, The Futurist is definitely not a scholarly journal, so I can forgive some of his biases. Perhaps this article would have been better as a two-part series, which would have allowed Mulhall to go into more detail regarding his need for reassessing risk assessment. However, he would more likely spin towards new tangents best left alone.

Rating = 5

References

• Australian Microscopy & Microanalysis Research Facility. (2008). Welcome to the AMMRF. Retrieved October 9, 2008, from Web site: http://www.ammrf.org.au/
• Department of Biosciences: Biochemistry. (2008, September 18). Research. Retrieved October 12, 2008, from University of Kuopio Web site: http://www.uku.fi/biokem/research/index.shtml
• Fernandez, M. (2007). Nanotechnologies: Summary & Details. Retrieved October 9, 2008, from The European Union On-Line Web site: http://ec.europa.eu/health/opinions2/en/nanotechnologies/index.htm
• Gould, S. J. (2002). Punctuated Equilibrium's Threefold History. Retrieved October 9, 2008, from The Unofficial Stephen Jay Gould Archive Web site: http://www.stephenjaygould.org/library/gould_structure.html
• Holmes, W. (2004, September). Our Microtech Future. Futurist, 38(5), 51-56. Retrieved October 15, 2008, from Professional Development Collection database.
• Horton, M. A. (2008). Crossbow Technology: Management. Retrieved October 16, 2008, from Crossbow Technology Web site: http://www.xbow.com/General_info/management.aspx
• Koza, J. R. (2003, December 30). 36 Human-Competitive Results Produced by Genetic Programming. Retrieved October 12, 2008, from Genetic Programming Inc. Web site: http://www.genetic-programming.com/
• Moravec, H. (1999, January). Hans Moravec: Adjunct Faculty. Retrieved October 9, 2008, from The Robotics Institute Web site: http://www.ri.cmu.edu/people/moravec_hans.html
• (A) Mulhall, D. (2004, January). Reassessing Risk Assessment. Futurist, 38(1), 36-41. Retrieved October 2, 2008, from Academic Search Complete database.
• (B) Mulhall, D. (2006). Our Molecular Future: About the Author. Retrieved October 12, 2008, from Our Molecular Future Web site: http://www.ourmolecularfuture.com/index.html?/text/about_the_author.html
• Mullen, L. (2001, July 9). How Small Can Life Be? Retrieved October 9, 2008, from Astrobiology Magazine Web site: http://www.astrobio.net/news/index.php?name=News&file=article&sid=31
• National Center for Environmental Research. (2008, October 8). Nanotechnology: Research Projects. Retrieved October 12, 2008, from U.S. Environmental Protection Agency Web site: http://es.epa.gov/ncer/nano/research/index.html
• Pister, K. (2008). Dust Networks: About Us: Our Team: Management Team. Retrieved October 16, 2008, from Dust Networks Web site: http://www.dustnetworks.com/about/management.shtml
• The Futurist Magazine. (2008). About The Futurist. Retrieved October 14, 2008, from World Future Society Web site: http://www.wfs.org/Nov-Dec%20Files/futuristabout.htm

Distilled Prose: Dialogue Exercise

I got another assignment back tonight. I received a mark of 85% on this one as well. Anyone who has read my World of Kulan Story Hour will recognize these characters. It was easy to take characters that I already knew and use them as the basis for this assignment.


The Trouble With Dragons
“I don't want to talk about it,” Dabuk said shaking his head.

“It might help you deal with what happened.” Bactra replied. “It's not every day someone gets swallowed alive and lives to tell about it.”

“I don't want to talk about it,” Dabuk repeated emphatically.

“Just be glad we were able to cut you free after we killed the beast,” Dvalin said. “A dragon's stomach would be a terrible place to spend your last moments of life.”

“I said I don't want to talk about it,” Dabuk pleaded.

“Yeah, I think you mentioned that already,” Mesik added with a grin. “It's too bad the dragon didn't swallow your pride too.”

“That's the trouble with dragons,” Bactra said with a laugh. “They aren't chew-sy about their food.”

“Oh Gods,” Dabuk groaned. “Save me from my friends.”

Character BiosBactra RedwindBactra is an elf from the forested city of Woodknot. He is a wizard and the son of a tailor. He has traveled the world extensively. He seeks hidden arcane secrets in the lairs of beasts and lost ruins. He is mirthful and fun-loving.

Dabuk Tigerstorm
Dabuk is a half-elf who was born in the wilderness. He is Bactra's cousin and the son of a famous hero. His mother was killed by an ogre. He seeks revenge against all ogres for her death. He is moody and jaded.

Dvalin Thunderstone
Dvalin is a dwarf from the mountain city of Milo. He is a stout warrior and the son of a soldier. He has lived as a trader and as an adventurer for a long time. Therefore, he is often the voice of reason amongst his friends.

Mesik Tindertwig
Mesik is a halfling whose background is mysterious. He is a skilled thief and mapmaker. He seeks the comfort of friendship to block out the mistakes of his past. He is often jovial one minute and forlorn the next. He is Dabuk's mentor.

The Shadow Between

Here's an In-Class Assignment I did for my Distilled Prose class. I got a final mark of 85%.

The Shadow Between

By Robert Blezard

I have often asked myself what I believe. I rarely come up with a firm answer, which has a lot to do with the question. I guess the easiest way for me to look at it is to visualize myself at a crossroads with multiple directions.

Darkness and light are the themes of those multiple paths. I often find myself traveling the darkest roads. These are the paths dominated by the mistakes of my past. Pain, hate, and sorrow are my guides while lost in the dark, and I often embrace them with a morbid glee.

I have been known to choose the paths of light, which are harder for me to traverse. Dominated by love, hope, and family & friends, the brightly lit paths lead to moments of joy and discovery. When I'm gaming with friends or writing something new, I am often on the path of bright faith.

However, neither the dark ways nor the shining paths are truly my friends. Isolation and depression are usually the result of traversing the darkened roads too much. Overexposure to the glittering paths often blinds my senses and overwhelms my soul with too much life.

Therefore, it isn't surprising that I am still looking for that elusive path that will combine the best of both the pitch black walkways of my troubled mind with the light of faith and life. I've always believed in a balance of the two, which is nearly impossible to find in this world.

I've stood at the crossroads for so long that I've come to consider it my home. I've become the Dweller at the Crossroads watching as others chose a path. Mine still alludes me, but I must make a choice soon. Perhaps the perfect path will open up to me, which will allow me to walk the edges of darkness and light. When that day comes, I will walk the road once again. Until then, I will remain at the crossroads, content to dwell in the shadow between.

The Spiral Effect

So, I've been stewing in a metaphorical pot for several weeks now. It has a lot to do with my classes, but it also has a lot to do with my health. I ended up with another sinus infection this month and a very sore throat. ("I hate mucus!") It's better now but it crashed me down for over a week. I even missed a class for Research Skills.

I hate getting sick. It takes everything out of me.

Worse than that, it sends me spiraling down that dark path towards depression. It's something I have to fight every day. The last few days have been killer. I need to start working on my assignments, but I just haven't had the will or energy. Yes, I'll get them done but it will take everything have to do it, which will wipe me out even more.

That's been the major difference between this semester and last semester. I'm having trouble caring about being at class, learning about something new, and even getting up out of bed. When I lose my ability to care, it's never a good thing. It means I'm spending too much time worrying about things I cannot change.

My dad's life is one of those things.

He had to move again recently and now he's on the other side of the city. He is in area that takes a long time for me to get to by bus. There have been a few times since he's moved that I could have used his help, but I'd feel to guilty asking him to drive all that way just to help me out for an hour. Besides, I worry about his driving. He's not as steady behind the wheel as he use to be; however, he won't give up his car. It's scary.

Also, I learned that friend of mine is battling cancer.

It's been a tough thing for him to go through, and I'm not sure how to handle how I'm feeling about it. I'm worried that he won't get better even though I know he's a fighter. ("Gerald, you rock!") If the worst happens, it would be devastating for his family and his friends. I'd like to spend some time with him, but I've been so sick lately that I'm worried that I might expose him to something that could affect his health. It's scary.

These are just the two biggest things on my mind. Everything else seems trivial compared to these worries, yet I need to make sure I pay attention to the day-to-day things like getting up out of bed before Noon, doing the dishes, going to class, and, yes, doing my assignments. When you struggle with depression, those trivial things turn into monsters that await you every day.

It's scary.

Something From Class

Here is something that I wrote during Distilled Prose class. It was a simple exercise in Description.

Kellin's Hands
Kellin scraped the rot from his enlarged fingers. He worried over the warts and blemishes across the backs and washed the taint of years of blood and gore from his palms. The left thumb blistered from sword strain; the right pinky twisted from an ancient break. He washed them twice more hoping to reveal their true form. They remained cursed ogre hands as they always did. He sighed in resignation as he gloved them in the black leather of the manticore he slew over a dozen years ago. He could almost see their lost human form through the haze of broken memory. He buckled the last strap, pulling it tightly. He should have washed them again as he noticed that lingering itch on his left index.

I hate it when I...

. . . forget my password. It took three times before I could retrieve it. I can't figure out what I did wrong the first two times.

Anyway, I'm back taking night classes at MacEwan. Distilled Prose and Research for Writers. The classes are interesting and challenging but in very different ways.

For Distilled Prose, I have an assignment due every week and this week (and last week) I have two assignments due. It's a little crazy, especially since I haven't started them yet.

I guess I've been thinking too much (i.e. worrying) about the research paper I need to write for the other class. It's worth 30% of my final mark, which is a little insane. Still, the Research class only has four assignments, and I've already handed in the first two.

It's interesting to see the change in group dynamic that happens from semester to semester. Several of my classmates from the January semester are in one or the other of my two classes. I find it fascinating to see how these people I already know (somewhat) interact with people I don't know.

It's fascinating. Well, at least for me.

Finals Week

Well, this week brings me to the end of my term at Grant MacEwan. The two classes I've been taking have been a lot of fun, but I'm going to be a bit glad for it to be over. The strain on me physically and emotionally has been unbelievable!

There isn't any way that I'm ready to go back to school full-time. I was hoping that I would be able to in September, but it's just not going to happen.

I have my Grammar final tonight at 6 P.M. and my Rhetoric final tomorrow at the same time. Here's hoping that I've learned everything I need to know.

Grandfather Gygax

Grandfather Gygax:
An epideictic eulogy for E. Gary Gygax
By Robert Blezard

On Tuesday, March 4, 2008, I had just returned home from class determined to begin this argument but not about the topic you are about to read. I had planned to write a tribute to the Saskatchewan Roughriders regarding the team's 2007 Grey Cup win. However, upon arriving home, turning on my computer, and reading the news of the death of E. Gary Gygax — the man who co-created the Dungeons and Dragons game with Dave Arneson — I immediately changed my mind. The decision was emotional. As I read tribute after tribute by fellow gamers on EN World, a Internet Dungeons and Dragons fan site that Gygax was also a member of, I was overcome with a sadness that I've not felt since the death of my brother. I could not understand it at first. I did not not know the man, but it felt like I had lost someone very close to me. It was a strange feeling sitting in front of my computer with tears welling up in my eyes. It is as if a small part of the game, which I enjoy so much, died with him. In my opinion, no amount of prose or poetry can be compiled to give this great man the tribute he so properly deserves. Yet, I must add my voice to the chorus and pay tribute to the Grandfather of Gaming. I must prove the worth of a man, not based on the sum of his life, but based on the sum of how his life affected others.

Ernest Gary Gygax was born in Chicago, Illonis, in 1938. The son of a Swiss immigrant and and American mother, Gygax's childhood was spent devoted to exploits of imagination rather than serious study. Years later he would discover a new medium for his imagination: tactical war games. This would eventually lead him to create a miniatures game called Chainmail and then Dungeons and Dragons — his most famous creation. Gygax would create other games throughout his life, as well as write fiction novels and short stories in the genres of fantasy, science fiction, and horror. At the time of his death, on March 4, 2008, Gary Gygax was 69 years of age. He is survived by his wife, Gail, and his six children.

Naysayers, such as indie game designer Matt Snyder, have tried to downplay Gary Gygax's life as being unimportant to anyone other than his family. They fail to see how the game he created not only changed the way people entertain themselves but also changed the type of work that many people do on a daily basis. Dungeons and Dragons and other role-playing games provide a way of melding imagination and cooperation into a game in ways that had not been conceived of before. In the past, games have always had defined winners and losers, whether it was old-style board games like Monopoly or team sports like hockey or football. Even a thinking-man's game like chess, which Gary Gygax enjoyed, has a defined winner at the game's end. Gary Gygax changed all that when he published Dungeons & Dragons: Rules for Fantastic Medieval Wargame Campaigns Playable with Paper and Pencil and Miniature Figures in 1974. He and Arneson started a tabletop game revolution that would affect the entire world.

I doubt Gary Gygax was aware of what was to come in the next thirty years as fans of Dungeons and Dragons and the idea of cooperative games molded people and games in completely unexpected ways. An entirely new subculture came to life as role-playing games became a money-making venture. Tactical Studies Rules, which Gygax founded in 1973, quickly became a leader in the tabletop game industry. His company and many others required a new type of employee: the role-playing game designer. Today, these men and woman owe their livelihood to Gygax, whose initial creation inspired them to seek a different kind of career. After the initial explosion of the game's popularity, it was not long before the growing computer revolution also became infected by Gary Gygax's genius as fans of the game began to program the first generation of computer role-playing games. These initial games would seem primitive compared to today's online phenomena that is World of Warcraft, but that game and all computer role-playing games that came before it and have come after it are the descendants of Gary Gygax's vision. Without Gary Gygax, modern computer games would likely be descended from simple, competition-based arcade games such as Pong.

Gary Gygax dealt with a lot of controversy throughout his life as not only rivals tried to but also extremists tried to bring down his livelihood and hobby by attacking Dungeons and Dragons as being dangerous to the minds of the disenfranchised youth that flocked to the game. At one point, Gygax required a bodyguard after receiving death threats from these extremists who believed he was a bringer of evil. These small-minded people could not see that Gygax was a teacher as much as he was a businessman. Gygax built D&D to require its players to know math and to be creative. Although the game could never replace true education, it did inspire me in ways that school never did. I found a love for art, ancient history, computers, mythology, and language through learning to play the game. I admit that it never made me love math, but it did make me realize its importance in life. That foundation made me want to learn everything I could, and I owe that love of knowledge to Gary Gygax.

It is this fact that ties gamers together; we are passionate about our hobby. Right from the beginning, Dungeons and Dragons and the role-playing games that followed it, whether created by Gygax or not, brought like-minded youths and adults together to socialize — even if it was geeky. This is one of the games most endearing and important qualities and is what sets it apart from other types of games in my opinion. Gygax always believed that the game's in-person, social aspect was Dungeons and Dragons most important aspect. “D&D is not an online game,” he once said. “There is no role-playing in an online game that can match what happens in person.” While this viewpoint might seem contrary to where the world is going, I agree with Gygax's assessment. True role-playing is meant to be a face-to-face experience when one is surrounded by friends, laughing and improvising and having fun without the burden of competition. Online role-playing has never appealed to me as it lacks that social quality, and Gary Gygax exemplified this quality. He continued to run role-playing games for family and friends and fellow enthusiasts up until his failing health took him from us — much too early.

His life and death has shocked and touched so many people in ways that they may not even be aware of. The worlds of fantasy and science fiction that have gained a measure of respect on TV and movie screens owe as much to Gary Gygax as they do to George Lucas. Popular culture would be very different without Gygax. A man like Stephen Colbert would not be the man he is today without Gygax's influence. A gamer in his youth, Colbert is known for his political satire and his semi-fictional character of the same name. Without his gaming background, one has to wonder if Colbert would have chosen the path that led him to create that character. In a fitting tribute, Colbert honored the life of Gary Gygax on March 5 by ending his show with a roll of 20-sided die. If that does not speak of the impact Gary Gygax had on the world, then I cannot convince you. Perhaps the only way to understand the worth of the man is through his own words. In an interview with Gamespy in 2004, he expressed how he wished to be remembered: “I would like the world to remember me as the guy who really enjoyed playing games and sharing his knowledge and his fun pastimes with everybody else.”

I will, Gary. I will. And thank you.

What to Write?

So what should be my goal for this post. Well, I'm writing it mainly to make sure I don't forget to write something here. One of my friends told me recently that he's been reading my blog, so I feel obliged to write something here. (Hiya Scott.)

Anyway, here's the real skinny.

I'm having fun for the most part in my two GMCC classes. The material is making me think and being exposed to new opinions and people has inspired me to write more. Gaming writing and fiction writing for the most part, but I've been doing a lot more reading too.

There is a lot of political discussion in these classes, which isn't my thing; however, the discussions have made me realize that I'm going to need to delve deeper into the political world. It's not a happy realization and just the thought of reading about politics makes my skin crawl.

My Grammar instructor made a comment tonight about the idea that some of us (the students) might become political speech writers someday. All I could think about after hearing that idea was "God, I hope not" and "I'd rather poke my eyes out with a rusty fork."

I hate modern politics in almost every form.

So, the idea of writing a political essay about the pitfalls of language in the modern world based on a concept written by George Orwell in the mid '50s makes me queasy. It doesn't help that I found Mr. Orwell's comments a little biased and hypocritical.

Anyway, I'll think of something. I hope it doesn't kill too many of my brain cells.

Fighting to find the Words

Okay, so I've been attending classes at GMCC for nearly four weeks now, and I must admit that I'm struggling, internally, a little bit. The classes aren't very hard, IMO, but the experience is difficult. I haven't been doing much over the last five years. Mental and physical disability will do that to a person. Now, for the first time in a LONG time I am having to find my way through a real world experience.

I knew it was going to be hard, but I didn't think it was going to be frustrating from a interpersonal way. Learning about grammar and rhetoric isn't nearly as hard as trying to find my voice again. For years, it has been silenced due to depression and isolation. Now, I'm dealing with people in a real way and it's freaking me out!

The voices I'm interacting with are so strong and opinionated that I fear that my voice will want to crawl away in fear. Today was a good example. Certain subjects came up that I hadn't considered for a long time, and I struggled with why I should care. The point being made by the instructor was a vital one for any writer, but since I've been stuck in my own little world for so long I almost failed to see the relevance to my life.

I was still thinking like a half-mad, isolated introvert without access to other people or their opinions. Yes, I've been keeping in touch with friends & family through the bad years, but I wasn't meeting anyone new. When you're not use to interacting with others on a regular basis you tend to lose your social skills (and your need for advanced language).

Hmm, some of this might be important for my first "Grammar for Writers" essay. Possibilities.

Christmas Change

Christmas is here, and I for one am glad that it has arrived. Hopefully this will mean a reduction in the nonstop mass media holiday blitz that ensues every year. But, in truth, it likely won't end until after New Year's Eve. That's when the world seems to go back to normal.

And that is both a good thing and a bad thing.

The Christmas holiday season, which lasts from the day after Thanksgiving to New Year's Day, tends to bring out the good in people. For the most part.

Yes, there are those of us who can't stand the glitz and the never ending commercialism. But we can avoid that by staying away from the malls during the worst of the holiday rush, and by changing the channel when that Christmas commercial we can't stand comes on for the 100th time.

But the truth about Christmas isn't about those things. It's about spending time with family and friends and finding the good things in life to remember. It's about remembering those that aren't with us anymore, and the good times we had with them. (Rest in peace, dear brother.)

Christmas is about faith, for many, and believing in something more than just yourself. Personally, I believe in God, but way beyond what the Christian faith tells me. God isn't based only on a book, IMO, but a way of living.

Many times I take that for granted and don't behave as "faithful" as I should. (The Lord knows I'm not perfect.) Hopefully I make up for these shortcomings at other times of the year by being a better person during Christmas.

Now, this attitude isn't the best way to live, but it is the way of the Western world. Especially the North American world. We live a very fast lifestyle and it tends to make us indifferent to the rest of the world, and even to each other.

Money is God for many on this continent, and that's too bad. There is way more to life than money, as I have learned over the last few years. I use to define my life by how much "green" I had or could earn. This was because I didn't know any better.

Yes, we need money to live in this world, but we don't need it every minute of every day. This is what the Western world has forgotten. Too often we define ourselves by the things we possess. Instead we should be defining our lives by what we can give the world in return.

I often suffer from this, as I'm addicted to eating too much and buying too many books and CDs. Yes, those things are great to have but they don't keep you from being alone. And I guess that's what I worry about the most, at this time of year.

I'm no longer 10-years old and struggling to fall asleep because I can't wait until Christmas morning comes. At that age, there is an innocence regarding the Christmas tree and the presents under it. Sure, we want to see what might be for us, but it isn't based on a need to consume products in order to feel like we have a life.

It's about paper, ribbons, and bows, and about the joy of opening a gift and seeing the wonder that lies beneath.

Now, I am 35-years old and struggling to fall asleep because my bones and muscles don't work like they use to. And there is no way that I'm getting up at 9am to open gifts unless somebody forces me at gunpoint. I have become an old person, and I often find myself scratching my head in confusion.

Where the hell did my "joy" and "wonderment" go?

That question rings in my head year round, even during the Christmas season. Yet, it is now that I often find a bit of that "joy" and "wonderment". The things that bring out those emotions in me aren't the same as when I was 10, but they are still there. You simply have to turn away from the commercialism, and look at the things that really matter — family, friends, and spirit.

It can be a simple as watching your mother smile at you when you arrive at her house for dinner on Christmas Eve, or feeling the "joy" wash over you as Paul Potts sings Silent Night on The Hour, or watching classic Christmas cartoons, that you loved as a child, with a sense of humor and nostalgia.

It can also be as complex as putting up the Christmas tree and decorating the house/apartment, or spending several hours finding gifts for your family. (Those are less enjoyable for me.)

For me, this year, it was being able to sleep in today, and not having to worry about whether or not a relative was going to knock on my door and say "why aren't you up yet?" I guess that's how Christmas has changed for me. I use to be that person waiting for the grownups to get up, so Christmas could "start already".

That is what I have learned. Christmas isn't about presents or candy. It is about taking time to be merry. It's about the little "joys" in life. It's about the renewing of faith in something more than wealth.

It's learning to love ourselves and each other.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

It's Been Too Long

Wow, it's been ages since I've written anything here. Well, I can honestly say I had better things to do. I've just finished registering for two night classes at Grant MacEwan College. The classes are part of MacEwan's Bacelor of Applied Communications in Professional Writing program, which I intend to enroll in, eventally. I'm not mentally or physically ready to enroll in a full-time program, but hopefully I'll be ready to "go" full-time in September. (Knock on wood.)

My D&D game came to an abrupt end several months ago. Everyone was feeling the stress of trying to push the game into Epic levels, and I shouldn't have tried to force the issue on them. The guys and I haven't really hung out since the game ended, as there was some bad blood between me and one of the players. It's too bad, and I hope the fence can be mended, eventally.

My dad just moved into a house as of December 1st. He is renting the house from a friend of his from church. He's a lot happier where he is now, as the apartment building he was living in before can only be described as "icky". The building's hallways smelled like dead skunk.

My sister is still working for the government and might be in line for a promotion in April of 2008. The new job would be more work and she's not sure if she wants that.

Bookworm

So, I finally finished reading Foundation and Chaos, the second book in the Second Foundation Trilogy. It was an excellent read, and Greg Bear has a new fan. I'm taking the book back to the library today, and hopefully they will have the third book of the trilogy for me to take home.

I've also been reading Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke. It's a fascinating tale of practical magic set in England in the eighteen hundreds. The writing is very unique and the various footnotes throughout the text is an interesting touch.

However, swimming first, library second.

Shutter Bug 2

Okay, so I'm going a little clicky-crazy. Photography won't ever be more than a hobby to me but it's fun! I'll never be as good at it as my friend Dave. Check out his Windows Live Space for some of his amazing photographic talent.

Anyway, the attached image is one I took the other day. And since I can only upload one image a day at Renderosity.com, I've decided to post a few images here instead, from time to time. I call this one, "From the Balcony".

LinkedIn

So I've joined a couple of new Internet sites today. The first is a site called LinkedIn and it is similar to Classmates.com. So far, however, I like it a lot better. You can actually list your websites. "Classmates" doesn't allow this. Plus you can choose how much of your full profile is available to others.

Anyway, the second site I've joined is the new beta version of Windows Live Spaces. It's a good site, except that it really slow! I joined it after upgrading Windows Messenger to version 5.0.

I like the various lists for the site nad that you can create customized lists, as well. Very handy for keeping track of various websites, book and music interests, etc. Check it out.

RPB Live!

I won't be having another blog on Live Spaces, since I already have this one and the one on AFF. What's AFF? I'll let you figure that one out on your own. Heh.

Shutter Bug

Well, I've been bitten by the photography bug once again. It must be the nice weather, although today I took my sister's camera to WEM to take some shots of the mall's more unique features.

I went to the mall to meet my friend Dan to go and see Rise of the Silver Surfer. It was a good movie but not as good as the first FF movie. It was a 6.5 out of 10. I have to admit they did the surfer really well.

Before the movie Dan and I went to Hooters for supper, although we didn't really go there for the food. Heh. Hooter girls are always so great and they let me take a photo. I love that place, but I almost never get a chance to go there. Thanks Hooters Edmonton for being a great place to hang out!